And Now For Something Else!
by Overhill
Summary: A collection of unrelated short stories. Latest one: Draco goes to a movie.
1. NEWTS Project

_Inspired by a major news story of July, 2009, and even earlier, of a certain song and dance that was performed all over the world. Originally written for gelsey._

_----------_

The selected music was not Professor Flitwick's favorite. He didn't mind that it was Muggle-made - it was playing all over the country. It's popularity, though, did not change the fact that the bass was just too heavy. _Da-da-day-da-dum, thump, thump. stomp._ The singing was passable, but the spoken dialogue was in his opinion, campy.

Paris Prince had been working on her seventh year N.E.W.T. project in secret for the whole school year, and was now doing a house rehearsal before presenting it to the examiners. A variety of twelve Kneazles and cats, all from the house of Ravenclaw, were standing on their hind legs, "dancing", or rather stomping and twitching to the beat of the Muggle song. Twelve, in unison. _Thump, thump. stomp._

Flitwick feverently hoped that The Friends of Beasts Society would have some mercy, if not a sense of humor, when they learned about the project, as surely they would. He imagined the sky dark with owls, each carrying a Howler with his or Miss Prince's name on it.

Twelve feline heads tilted to one side, and back up again. _Da-da-da-dum-dum, _s_tomp, stomp, stop._ Twenty-four forelegs were thrust out to one side and then the other. side.

The classroom was filled with mesmerized students and faculty. Flitwick felt a headache coming on, and was glancing around for a way out when he saw Argus Flitch, livid with rage, glaring back at him. _Thump, thump, stomp._ Fortunately his cat, Mrs. Norris, was not in the room. Flitwick could imagine the rage the man would have over the perceived mistreatment of the animals. He motioned for the caretaker to meet him outside the room, and carefully picked his way out. _"...thriller, in the night..."_ the music wailed as the teacher pushed himself out of the room.

He had never seen Flitch so furious, and braced himself for what would surely be the first of countless complaints from The Friends of Beasts Society and others.

"It's horrible, it is!" Flitch cried out. "Mrs. Norris wasn't included, wasn't even invited! She's horribly upset and insulted - you've got to do something!"


	2. Fashion Show

_Silly idea based on this being Fashion Week, and that Spain has banned too-thin models. _

Rita Skeeter is still, ah, on probation, so I, Madam Rosmerta, will be your hostess at today's grand event here at our show, "And Now For Something Else!"

_The Daily Prophet_ is sponsoring a fashion show as a benefit for St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Featured at the show are Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, Twillfit and Tatting's, and Fashions by Cilla. Modeling at the show are most of the adult women from the Harry Potter books and because St. Mungo's does not discriminate against the non-magical (Muggles and Squibs), the show is open to the general public. Backstage is where the action is, and where we find -

Petunia Dursley, desperately feeding her face as her Body Mass Index (BMI) is too low. (Notice the house-elf handing her a plate of high-cal food.)

Narcissa Malfoy. Say what you will about her personality, but she's a stunner on the catwalk. Classic.

Oh, dear, looks like she's been up-staged by newcomer Fleur Delacour.

Bella Lestrange, is uh, wearing her prison garb proudly... (Yeah, right. Hope she had it cleaned first. Ouch! Hey! Wands away!)

Minerva McGonagall. Wool, tartan, lace, warm colors. Maybe a little bit of San Diego solid colors and simple style for her "Muggle"-wear. Then again, maybe not.

Pomona Sprout, as Mother Earth, wearing loose flowy robes of nubby fabrics, colored in earth tones and tie-dye pastels, accented with shells and bits of bone. Nothing says "organic" more than raw wool.

Nymphadora Tonks. As she's a shape-shifter, she is copying the boggart Snape's "in drag" outfit: Augusta Longbottoms' hat, robes and purse – it's utterly "Riddikulus!" Oh, wait, that _is_ Augusta Longbottom, wearing her own clothes. Never mind.

Dolores Umbridge. Umm, really don't want to see her... Business wear, ruined by that stupid cardigan sweater, childish hair bow, and old shoes. She doesn't want to try anything new, and she's trying to take over the show. Call the fashion police! Oops, wait. Casual wear, varied and better looking. Last year's colors, and she still has the bow and the shoes, and she's still trying to take over! Make the call!

Molly Weasley. Nice to see you. Catering the event? Lovely.

Poppy Pomfrey gets out of the uniform and lets her hair down. Retro and fashionable, she brings energy to the show. Swing it, baby!

Rolanda Hooch. Cutting edge. This woman can do leather!

We (don't) regret to inform you that Wilhemina Grubby-Plank's invitation was lost in the mail.

And here's sweet Arabella Figg, wearing Wal-Mart fashions. Not the stuff that was shown in the NY fashion show, but the stuff people actually buy. Oh dear, something is wrong with her feet: she's still wearing carpet slippers.

Marjorie Dursley – how did she get here? Hounds-tooth design in all her clothing. Turn off _all _the lights, hand her a flashlight and dub it "evening wear".

Sibyll Trelawney. We're having a little bit of trouble seeing this one...

And that's it for now. I am Madam Rosmerta, reminding you to tune in again for our next showing of, "And Now for Something Else!"

Ta ta for now!


	3. Draco at the movies

_beta-ed by jessicadamien_

**A Movie Matinee**

"Gitfellow, this is so stupid. If Father knew--" Draco fumed. His sunglasses hid the annoyance in his eyes.

"You're the one who asked what the Hufflepuffs were up to," Richard Goodfellow interrupted, his eyes also covered by sunglasses. Draco never could seem to mind his own business; this summer he seemed to be obsessed over the activities of his various classmates.

The two young wizards were arguing on a sidewalk in a poorer part of London. Crabbe and Goyle were not with them and Draco felt unprotected, as if some Muggle would run out of a shabby sidestreet and steal his wand when he wasn't looking. That Richard was older and more streetwise was not a comfort at the moment.

"It's right over here. Don't you want to at least look at the place?" Richard pointed to a vacant storefront. The windows had been soaped up and adverts taped to the windows. The shoppes next to it were equally empty.

As they watched, a couple of their older school mates from Hogwarts were walking towards the place, looking about casually. One walked through the closed front door, the other paused, looked around and followed.

"See? Easy," Richard said, leading the way.

Together they plunged through the door into a small dark room. Richard took off his sunglasses but Draco kept his on.

Someone who was wearing a Hufflepuff coat of arms on her yellow tee-shirt stood by the door. "Pay up," she ordered.

After a short discussion, Richard gave her his money and got two pieces of paper in return.

"Here's your ticket," Richard said, handing it to Draco, who was studying the shabby walls and ceiling.

"How much money do you think that they make?" Draco asked, sneering at the ticket-seller.

"More than we're making today," Richard grumbled. "Wish someone had told me that the price had gone up."

They went through another doorway, through a heavy curtain ("When was the last time this thing was cleaned?" Draco complained) and into a large room filled with chairs, all facing a big blank wall. A few people were sitting around in groups of two or threes, quietly talking. Richard pointed out two seats in the center of the back row.

"What if someone turns around and sees me?" Draco whined.

"Would you rather sit in the front row?" Richard suggested, thinking that he'd turn it down.

Front row it was. Once there, Draco took off his glasses. The lights went out. They had to tilt their heads back to watch the movie trailers--Richard was sure that they'd both get neck strains and hinted about moving back a coupleof row. Draco ignored the hints and kept asking questions. Richard glanced back and saw that the small theater was now two-thirds full. Someone had brought in popcorn.

Americans--can't stop eating, Richard thought. He wondered who had brought the foreigner and if they'd be selling treats at the next show.

Another Hufflepuff was acting as an usher and was patrolling the side aisles using his lit wand as a torch.

"Keep your voice down or we'll get kicked out," Richard ordered.

They continued their conversation, whispering in the darkness. The movie started.

Draco read the words in a low voice, "Universal, an MCA Company." He knew he was annoying Richard. "Spielburg. Is he related to the ones in Cheshire? David Kirschner. Father knows a Kirschner. He's not a Muggle, though. Nibbelink. There's a Hufflepuff name if there ever was one. 'An American Tail.' 'Tail' is misspelled. What kind of a name is 'Fievel'?" He mispronounced the name. "This is stupid," Draco said, putting back on his dark glasses and getting ready to stand up.

Just then someone sat next to Draco, cutting off his exit.

"Each night the moon kisses secretly the lover who counts the stars," a girl's voice said in a dreamy way.

"Oh, bother," Richard said under his breath, then louder, "Hello, Luna."

"Hello, Richard," she replied. "Who is your friend?"

"A guest," he said. "He hasn't been here before." He noticed Draco's glasses. "And the light hurts his eyes."

Luna started to talk, but Richard cut in.

"We're here to watch the movie," he said firmly. Draco smirked.

Luna obediently stayed quiet. Draco stared at her profile for a moment longer and thought about how her eyes bugged out.

He dozed during the opening song, "Somewhere Out There". He fought to stay awake, yet every time he nodded off he dreamt that he was the smart and suave character Cat R. Waul. The girl mouse, Tanya, had Luna's features and Luna's voice. Her solo, "Dreams to Dream," came on. He dreamt that she had grown taller, and as cat and mouse they danced together. He fell solidly asleep, continuing his dream.

He was surprised when the movie ended. She was gone; Richard had waited for the theater to empty before nudging him awake.

.


End file.
